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The Inner Lives of Dogs

September 23, 2014

I don’t profess to be a dog expert.

I don’t understand all dog language — whether verbal or non-verbal. In fact, I’ve been known to misinterpret calm assertiveness (thank you, Cesar Millan, for adding that phrase in my vocabulary) as aggression and aggression as confidence.

OK … once two dogs start snapping at each other, I generally catch on, but what I’m saying here is that I can be a little slow when it comes to understanding some puppy cues.

Except when it comes to my own dog.

My own frenetic dog.

My own frenetic, insane dog.

My own frenetic, insane dog who occasionally suffers from inappropriate verbal response syndrome — or IVRS (I’m trademarking that, so don’t try to steal it) — what I have come to consider as doggy Tourette’s.

When it comes to my own dog, I’m pretty sure that I know exactly what he’s thinking. His internal dialogue goes a little like this:

Food.

Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food.

Not spoiled.

Not spoiled.

Why’s she telling me I’m spoiled?

DL 01

Don’t let Cooper’s pathetic look fool you … he’s completely spoiled. In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s in my bed. Laying on my side of the bed.

Not spoiled.

Not spoiled.

Was that a noise?

<bark>

Could be that guy who comes with the boxes.

<bark>

Gotta let him know I’m here and need attention!

<BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK>

Wasn’t him.

My life is pathetic.

Pathetic.

Pathetic.

<sigh>

I never get enough food.

Food.

Food.

Or attention.

Cats get all the attention.

Dumb cats.

Cats get all the food.

Dumb cats.

Food.

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food.

<sigh>

Yep, that’s pretty much as complex as his inner dialogue gets. Unless he’s decided to tell me off. Then, I’m sure there are a few choice words thrown in for dramatic and comedic effect.

DL 02

A note to Cooper from his vet’s office. See? He’s not as pathetic as he would have you believe.

DL 03

Cooper and his new favorite toy. See? Not pathetic. He gets new toys several times a year … of course, that could have something to do with his ability to destroy toys within 30 minutes, but still …

From → Animals, Cooper

One Comment
  1. Give a dog a tennis ball and all is right with the world………….

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